Hey there,
I'm sitting here after the most productive morning in a while. Getting dressed, taking a walk with the dogs, taking a bike ride, watering all my plants, picking wild edibles (YES I did), cleaning up the house and making a GREEEN juice!
Oh yeah I said it. I picked weeds (Dandelion) from my lawn and grasses from my backyard and ATE them. I learned how to pick wild edibles by a video on the the raw food world tv show. google it, it is awesome! My energy is soaring from just a couple sips! It just shows me that humans are meant to forage for wild foods to sustain them not buy foods at a grocery store!!! The juice is very strong but I will be getting used to it because i'm looking forward to many more days of picking my own food..so cool!
The challenge is going VERY well! I've had some emotion detox so far. Yesterday I could see as plain as day that I use food as a crutch! It hit me while sitting in the family room. I had eaten hours before and yet I was Not hungry and I felt completely satisfied and yet something felt empty almost as if I wish I were hungry so that I could eat and supress feelings that I was having. Instead of eating I looked within. I asked myself why I was feeling vulnerable.
What I discovered was a little scary but enlightening...
I think I like when things are easy, calm and stagnant though for so many years I fooled myself into thinking I was one that loved adventures and change!
I like being in a rut...doing the same things every day because I feel SAFE. Even the friends I have are the same friends I've had for at least 4 years. I don't put myself out there because I'm afraid of rejection. I need to love myself more and not say...well i'll love myself when ____(fill in the blank). Each day I will not self loath myself or make comments in my head to put myself down. When these thoughts pop up I will replace them with positive ones! I know that I have had many years of abuse. Some say that abuse must be physical but I have grown up with a lot of emotional abuse.
My dad always would try to shield me from the world and from anything new, different or difficult. He would say things like, "It's too dark to drive now", "You can't handle taking that many classes", "That is too extreme, don't try that", "I'll bring you there, you'll get lost", "Don't apply for that job, it's too hard". I formed a lot of anxieties as a child and into adulthood. Fear seemed to paralyze me and guilt would bulley me.
My mom would always encourage me to try strange and wacky things. Even things I felt very uncomfortable doing. I'm sure now you can see the pull of war in my mind and soul. She also was always looking for something better, because to her the present was never good enough. She went on so many quests to find her perfect diet or her perfect body. Determined that by hating the current she would be rewarded with a fantastic future.
I guess you could say I now have a little of both of these views. It isn't always easy to tell myself that it's ok to try new things and not to be afraid of change but also that I am beautiful the way I am and that I don't need to change myself to please myself or others!
I am a success! I am wonderful! I am strong! And....SO are YOU!
Have a great day!
Rawkn yogini~
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment